I played two gigs. Last Saturday at Olive's in Nyack and then Monday night at The Delancey in New York. We played three sets at Olive's. One set at the Delancey's Small Beast show. Kerry Kennedy, the jazzmaster inflected chanteuse hosted the evening on short notice. She is pictured here.
After these shows, no more gigs. No one is listening. Why is no one listening? Too much music out there. My music is not that good. No one has time to listen. Everyone trying to claim their own sliver of pie as the poor/middle class mass of America fights for remaining oxygen in the dying pond. Nate did buy us a bucket of PBRs at Olive's. Saying we were "on point." And that he liked my VAMPIRE SONG aka SOUR WHITE SOUL. Which title is better? So there was one person listening to one song. He went to play pool all night after our conversation. I don't begrudge him or anyone their choice of an evening out. I am focusing on my choice; stubbornly playing out this dream. Friends say, do you like playing gigs? I wouldn't say like, no one likes catharsis. Then just keep doing it. If I keep doing it does that make my friends feel good? What about Ray? It doesn't feel good anymore.
At a certain age, many friends of mine ended their creative dream. Law school, better jobs, etc. A few went on to success. It is seemly, to continue as an amateur. If you have not had any commercial success, then you must not be any good. I have stayed with it and really wonder why? It seems like I've wasted a lot of time. I have always wasted time. As I kid, I would lay down in the field and sleep under hot summer sun.
... few days later. I feel better already. Deciding not to send any more emails or cds, or calls, though no one wants telephone calls today. All email. All, not most of my energy is going toward my work. And there seems to be more freedom. Somehow, I felt trying to get gigs, etc meant I had to do my work a certain way. Now I am just to going work. Hope this is the final frontier. I've inched toward doing exactly what I want for years. But I always held myself back. All the artists I admire, do their work. Hope someone wants it, but if no one does, they don't care. They keep at it. I've just let go of a few more cares.